I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I realised that the one thing I would change about myself, if I could change only one thing of course, was my will power. I feel like I could be so much better if only I had more will power. If I were a little more mentally strong in will, more assertive with myself. If procrastination and laziness make excellent bed-fellows, then lack of  Will Power is their ultimate progeny. But no that’s wrong. Procrastination and laziness are Lack Of Will Power’s prison bitches. Do you know what else? In my mental prison, Guilt’s the lowest pond scum grass of the Bitches.

With strong will power there wouldn’t be any procrastination or laziness unless it was wanted. And there would be one hell of a lot less guilt. Guilt over ridiculous things that just make me feel crappy about myself. Which ultimately, and the irony isn’t lost on me, is entirely my own device! This evening’s guilt list: I didn’t get round to putting that wash load on, I didn’t get round to doing pilates, I ate three massive chunks of Garibaldi biscuits, I didn’t do any painting in uni today (although I did attend a workshop and pick up all my library reading for my essay), I’ve been ‘short’ with the kids because I’ve been preoccupied. I think that’s about it. OK lets see the list of things I’m glad I accomplished today: Said essay books from the library which took ages to find, going into Uni despite it being tempting to not bother with the workshop because it’s the kid’s half term, I let my mum have a bit of a rant about work when I really wanted to rant about Uni to her instead. Pah, just as I thought.  No wonder I’m in a bit of a funk. I hope it doesn’t last too long, however my current level of malaise seems to be temporarily consistent.

I wish there were some kind of excersizes you could do to train your brain into having more will power. Any ideas?


~ by ambiguous artisan on February 16, 2009.

5 Responses to “Conclusions”


    This may or may not help. This may be viewed as genius or mumbo jumbo. This may be worth thanking me for or laughing at me for.

    I don’t know and I don’t really care. But you said any ideas…this was one.

  2. Thanks SL – Am looking through that right now. Might make myself a focus map thingumy.
    I’ve also looked at ways of supposedly training will power, so I’m working on that too.

  3. :o)

  4. Oh, smileys. I meant… 🙂

  5. Found you at last!

    When you are doing so much you feel like you should be doing so much more. Take it from me – dont! Just do what you can.
    It seems to me you are doing plenty and that’s more than enough. Ditch the guilt-trip and give your rats a wee pet!

    See you around when you are not so busy :o)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: